• Monthly Teaching
• Monthly Stories
• Workshops, groups and resources for teens...
• New Book - Spiritual Journaling

I am glad you found your way to this page and perhaps to some of my books.
Why? Because I know this time of life is the first Big Transition, and getting through this time (not only in one piece but with our souls in tact) is a major accomplishment.

Seven out of eight of my published books are for teens and young adults. The teen years are one of spiritual significance. You hear a lot about how the brain is developing and your hormones raging (all true) but your spiritual passion is also evolving and strengthening. In yogic medicine they say your sixth Chakra, your third eye, is opening at this age. This is the Chakra of psychic development and spiritual insight. The Thundering Years are thunderous in oh so many ways. I want to honor and help you with this stage. My books and this website offer ways to navigate this time of your life in the best possible ways. My intention is to suggest tools and means for a safe and fulfilling journey through these Thundering Years. Borrow what you find useful, leave the rest.

Your teen years, (Your Thundering Years) mark your journey into adulthood–into your independence–a time of longing, of lost and found, of power, and of crossroads. Sacred wisdom refers to it as a “heroic journey” full of pitfalls and magic. Many of us know someone who did not make it through. Ultimately, the Thundering Years are a time of choices. Some find a passage in a book. Or, a stranger says something that sticks with us; a story touches our soul and opens a new door; an oracle guides us on the right path; or we have a dream that won’t let go. Through chance and synchronicities we find our way to what we need. And then, we usually discover we want more, more from our experiences and more from ourselves. Just more. Sometime it is our longing for one thing that leads us to another.
 
Each Month I have poems, songs or journal pieces from young adults, with a brief meditation or lesson and questions from me for you to respond to in your journal.


Monthly Teaching:
So many times my young students and readers say, “I don’t know what to believe.” They want to know and live “the truth.” I invite them to consider all the spiritual and religious teachings, and even all the self-help books, as pointers, arrows that can point to the truth. Pointers to the truth but not, in and of themselves, “the truth”…  Even the most sacred of texts and the wisdom contained within them can be understood as “pointers” to truth. When we approach spiritual teachings (whatever tradition they come form) as pointers we can step into a more real experience with spiritual truth that is inherent in all the world's religious practices.

How? By realizing that words on paper, or someone else’s interpretation of something sacred, can not in themselves be The Truth. They are pointing to something, saying, Hey look—this is the color, the shape, and the texture of this beautiful thing. Now see if you can go find it for yourself. When all the words in the Bible or the Koran or the Bhagavad-Gita are understood as pointers, then each of us can search for the meaning they contain for ourselves. When we use a guidebook on birds, we know the pictures and words are not the actual bird but pointers to what to look for. In the same way, we can look at what a sacred text is directing us toward and go experience the truth for ourselves.

No one owns the truth. Fortunately, it comes in many flavors and designs. We each get to understand and experience truth (and various spiritual teachings) in our own way.

“I do not consider myself as ‘spiritual.’ I don’t really believe in a god or a bigger power. I believe in nature and like to read naturalists like James G. Cowen, Wendell Barry, Aldo Leopold, and John Muir. And they all point to the same thing, that we are just a part of a big web. We are not the center. It points to the truth that we are part of something natural and it is natural law that we must listen to.”
–Ben, age 21  

Monthly Story
This is a story of a young woman who had great faith. A flood hit this young woman’s town with such severity that all the people were washed away or given only a few hours to save themselves and their belongings. The water quickly reached the stairs leading to this woman’s house. As she sat praying on her porch, some friends came by in a boat and said, “Come on with us, or you’ll drown!” But the woman of faith said no, and rejected her friends’ invitation. “Thank you, but God will surely save me.”

Another hour passed and the young woman prayed and prayed, believing in her heart that God would surely save her. The water had now reached her roof and a boat full of neighbors came by. “The boat is crowded but we have room for you. Come on!” “No,” the young woman replied, “God will save me.”

Not too much later she was on her chimney, still praying, still having faith that God would save her. All that could be seen for miles and miles was green rushing water and a few other chimneys. As she sat there praying in earnest, another boat came by with a stranger in it. “Young lady,” the stranger called, “come in my boat and save yourself!” But again, the young woman resisted and said, “God will save me.”
It was but moments later that his young woman found herself in the presence of God. Angrily she said to God, “ I prayed and prayed for you to save me. I believed in you. I have done good my entire life, and you let me drown!” And God gently said, “My daughter, I sent you three boats and you rejected them all.”

Consider Journaling…
What are you praying for these days?  What are the “boats” life is sending you?
What does it mean to “be careful what you pray for?” Write about a sign from God.

Workshops, groups and resources for teens...

• Talking Stick Workshop. A 2 to 6 hours of storytelling, making of talking sticks, empowerment meditations and community building.
  
  
• Meditations for the Thundering Mind. Classes and instruction for teens and young adults. Basic mindfulness meditation, ways to still the mind, deal with anxiety, the power of positive thinking. Real and lasting “anger management” comes from one’s ability to relate truthfully to our anger from this place of awareness and compassion.
  
  
• Dreamweaving Workshops; Journal Making and Writing workshops (includes making of mandalas); Consulting the I Ching for Guidance, and Intuitive Empowerment workshops

Meg Cox's Ritual Newsletter for October, 2006
Rites-of-Passage for Teens

As a passionate advocate of ritual, I suffer from bat-mitzvah envy.
This coming-of-age ritual for girls and the bar mitzvah for Jewish boys contain all the vital elements for an authentic initiation: they are challenging rituals that push a kid past her comfort zones, conducted by a wise elder who is not her parent, and the rites conclude by welcoming celebrants into an embracing community, not just a family.

Not everyone is Jewish and, of course, this isn't the only model for a coming-of-age ritual. Some initiation rites are conducted outdoors and in many cases, the culminating "test" is some manner of physical trial. There are whole books concerned with rites of passage for teens and, lucky for you, I've convinced the author of one of the best to answer questions here. JULIE TALLARD JOHNSON is a licensed psychotherapist who works often with teenagers and I've long recommended her awesome book "The Thundering Years: Rituals and Sacred Wisdom for Teens." I got to meet Julie in person last February, while running a retreat for UU ministers in Wisconsin, and found her to be warm, wise and funny. I'm honored to share her wisdom with you, in a Q & A format.

Q: I recently learned that more than one third of young people in their 20s have tattoos, and there are stories every year of college kids who die from drinking "games." Some people say these are forms of initiation. Do you agree?

A: These are what I refer to as "street initiations." They are not true initiations because they do not have the necessary dynamics of an initition that allows the youth to be regenerated into the community as an emerging adult. And many of these forms of "street initiation" are not integrative, they actually smbolize the teens isolation from the community rather than their integration into the community.

Q: Why is it so important for today's teens to have some type of meaningful rite of passage?

A: Without meaningful rites of passages our youth become restless, violent and misdirected. Most of us have heard how what we give our attention to is what grows, what develops. Where is our youth's attention? Ritual allows the youth to direct their attention and lives, express their hopes and fears, and call on the help of their communities (both physical and spiritual). I work with teens to create even simple, personal rituals to help them get in touch with their personal power. In ritual they are able to express freely their fears and hopes, demonstrate their powers through song, dance, art, movement, spoken word, meditation and prayer. Done within a circle of peers, they learn from each other what they are truly capable of doing.

Q: What is the right age or stage for such a ritual -- is it turning 16 or 18, getting a driver's license, graduating from high school, or some other milestone?

A: Ideally, ritual itself is part of the family's life (and this is likely the case with your readers.) An initiation ritual would best be done anywhere between the ages of 12 and 25. Getting a driver's license is really not enough of an initiation for any young adult, which is why they tend to "go for more" in their street initiations. In a true initiation process, one needs to go past their comfort zone and complete a "test." This test can be anything from running a marathon to sleeping under the stars alone. There are more examples in my book, The Thundering Years.

Q: Given the extensive work you've done with teens on this, what do you think are the critical factors and steps that make a coming-of-age ritual meaningful?

A: Preparation: It is important that some time goes into preparing even a simple ritual of initiation. There are two types: the simple ones are initiating something specific (an Intention Initiation), while the other is a Rites of Passage initiation. The simple one might take only a couple days to a few weeks to prepare. Rites of Passage ideally take six months to a year to prepare for, and are done in a group or with an elder. It is important that the youth design the ritual themselves, with help from a mentor, therapist, spiritual teacher, and/or parent. Both the initiate and the mentor knows what will help the youth release what's holding them back, feel their personal power, and what will offer them a direct experience with their spiritual source. The youth will know what will symbolize their true initiation.

Release and Transformation: They need to identify what they experience as holding them back. They will want to have as part of their ritual a releasing, such as a release of fears or something or someone that they see holding them back. One young woman had her group of peers write on leaves fears, anxieties and worries they wanted to release. She wrote hers down too. As they walked to a local creek, they drummed and rattled. Each person released the leaves into the creek and most spoke aloud about what they were releasing. The young woman had written on ribbons all her gifts and blessings and she read these aloud as she passed them out to the circle. This was about her blessing others with her gifts (such as humor, friendship, anger etc.) A very simple but powerful ritual.

The Test: There needs to be some test that pushes the teen beyond her comfort zone of habits, inhibitions and fears. They realize through this test that they are powerful and able to create their lives. They feel what is it like to push the limits without harming themselves and others. This proves they are ready to be adults and they then need to be accepted into the community as an adult. The test can be before the actual ritual of initiation or can be part of the ceremony itself.
Threshold: Within the ceremony itself is is important to have a threshold for the teen to pass through. The physical threshold represents the initiate's passage from child to adult and its design will depend on the ritual, but it could include walking over or under natural objects, such as branches. At some point, the youth crosses the threshold and is greeted by her community. Gifts may be given.

Including the Natural World: Either the test or the initiation, or both, needs to take place outside. It is in nature that we find our natural rythms. Most teens (and adults) are out of sync with our natural and personal timing and we need to be connected to nature. Having an initiation that helps teens feel their part in the web of life connects them to something bigger than themselves.

Q: While researching my first book, I included a chapter on rites of passage and several experts said that parents can't be the mentor/facilitator for their own child's rite of passage because one of the chief purposes of the ritual is to act out separation from parents. What do you think is a good role for parents?

A: My recommendation is that it be a therapist, mentor, ritual consultant, or spiritual teacher who helps the youth. Parents do play an important role: they welcome the child back as an adult at the end, recognize their child is changed and honor this growth in their child. Depending on the family dynamic, parents can be part of the ritual and celebration, only part of the celebration, or not be involved. However, I have known parents to help create and be part of a child's initition process, especially in the case of a young girl's first period ritual.

Q: There are groups today offering Native American-based Vision Quest rituals, in which teens sometimes go out alone into a wilderness for several days and nights. What do you think of this approach?

A: I highly recommend that parents search with their teenager for what process sounds powerful and manageable for them. I take teens out in my woods for a night under the stars alone (see my book, Teen Psychic). Two teens who did this went on to do a four-day fasting vision quest out west. Yes, teens need to experience a sense of "danger" in rites of passage, but the danger is in letting go of fears, anger, limits, anxieties. Life itself is dangerous. These tests are about pushing a youth past a comfort zone so they have a direct experience with their personal power, and likely a spiritual experience as well.

Q: Would you share some details of some powerful coming-of-age rituals you have witnessed or know about?

A: I offered a Coming of Age process to the graduates at a local alternative high school. They went through a 20-week process where we basically went through the different chapters in The Thundering Years. We then planned a night of vision questing out under the stars on my property. None of the kids had done anything like this in the past, and they fasted for a day to help prepare themselves to receive a personal vision. They found it a powerful experience.

Another young woman who identified herself as a cutter (self-harm), put together a poem book. This process of collecting poems, working on the poems, and self-publishing the poems was her initiation process. She is now a young mother and her self-harm ceased while writing the book.

Obviously, there is much more to this rich, important topic. In addition to her books, Julie's website is an excellent resource, www.julietallardjohnson.com, and she has generously offered to answer additional questions you may have personally. You can reach her at Julie@JulieTallardJohnson.com. If there is interest in exploring this topic further, I will follow up early next year with another newsletter on rites of passage for teens, based on my own research and observations. Let me know if you want more! Also, if you know a child who created a memorable, powerful rite of passage, I'd love to hear the details.

MORE SCHOOL RITUALS:
Kim Inglee has a good one for the first day of kindergarten: she takes digital photos of her kids getting ready for the first day, even brushing their teeth and getting on the bus. While they are at school, she runs to the copy store to get her photos laminated and bound. On the last page, is a "mushy" letter from her about this milestone day. Her happy kindergartners receive their special books when they step off the bus that first day!

One more that's fun: when she takes those first-day-of-school photos, Erica Rawson has her kids hold up homemade signs announcing what grade they are entering. Kim and Erica will each receive a free copy of "The Mini Book of New Family Traditions."

HAPPY MUSIC:
My father's "happy music" was Bobby McFerrin's infectious song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy." In his 80s, Dad kept a cassette tape of that song in his car and played it every time he went out to run errands. My new happy music is Bob Dylan's new album, Modern Times. If you don't like Dylan (like my husband) this won't float your boat, but if you do, you'll be in heaven. Dylan has said this is the best band that ever backed him. I love the bluesy ballads, but there are hard-charging rock classics like "Thunder on the Mountain" that make me want to dance so bad, I can barely drive. What's your happy music these days?

Here we are in the glorious, season-shifting month of October, when we get to dress up weird and eat candy. Don't let the ghosts and ghouls frighten you. And don't get scared of change!
love, Meg

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"The need for some kind of initiation is so important that if it does not happen consciously, it will happen unconsciously, often in a dangerous form."
Louise Carus Madhi, Jungian anlalyst, editor of "Betwixt & Between: Patterns of Masculine and Feminine Initiation."

Please submit poetry, prose, journal pieces and queries to me here at Jewelhrt8@aol.com